Ang Traydor Kong Puso

 Nandyan kana naman...

             tinutukso tukso ang aking puso...
                                    Ilang ulit nabang iniiwasan ka, di na natuto.

When it comes to you, I don't know just what to say...
don't know how to act. I simply want to run and breathe.
-destiny004

Yung totoo? How many times do you have to convince yourself that there is a chance for the both of you but not in this lifetime? Ilang beses mo na bang sinabi sa sarili mo na tama na, Kakalimutan mo na siya...pero likod palang niya, ALAM NA! You tried to ignore the erratic beating of your heart everytime he's around. You still couldn't be yourself ever if you try to 'cause you're too conscious. Even afraid of committing a little bit of mistake kasi bawas ganda points! How many times did you try convincing yourself that you don't love him? That this is ONLY some kind of admiration because he's just a good person (labas sa ilong!), nothing more. At humahanap kana ng anything na ikakaturn off mo. (na kahit na anong makita mo, tanggap mo!)

You kept your distance. You accepted the fact that you aren't his kind of girl. "Overqualified kasi ako." pampalubag loob mo nalang sa sarili mo dahil ang totoo minsan nanliliit kana at tinatanong kung ano bang mali sayo. Alam mong hindi ka niya gusto at umuusok ang ilong mo kapag tinuturing ka niyang parang bata. Sa kabila ng lahat ng iyon, dumating sa puntong sinabi mong "wala na akong nararamdaman para sa kanya. As in wala na." Hmmmm...wala na. Pero hindi ka pinaniniwalaan ng mga tao sa paligid mo. Bakit? Alam mong okay kana eh, dumating na ang pagkakataon na nakakausap mo na siya. You can now able to meet his gaze and do your thing without any inhibitions. Oh, that feeling! You lived your life as if you were deaf both ears, to the whispers of your heart, numb from the unknown pain. You let yourself not to be drowned for he's not willing to save you. But at the end of the day, you realized that it wasn't all easy, denying this and that...pretending like you don't care. Sometimes it's hard to act as if you don't see anything and most of the times it's hard to hide that you're really hurting inside.

*sigh*... There are times when you think of going somewhere far but is it all worth it? Ang umiwas? Ang lumayo? Is it right to give up one of your greatest dreams just to get rid of the pain you feel every time you meet him? 'Cause you know, you're going nowhere. Minsan nakakasama ng loob na nasa harap kalang niya ngunit parang wala siyang nakikita. So, to save your pride, you act as if nothing's wrong when you know there is. Trinatraydor ka na naman ng puso mo. You are trying to control your feelings but it keeps on growing. You keep on walking away when all you want to do is to embrace it. Pilit mong tinatakasan ang isang bagay na alam mong mahirap nang tanggalin sa sistema mo. Dumadating din sa puntong suko kana pero bakit hindi ang puso? You can't do anything though it's not a hopeless nor helpless case. It's just that your feet keep on running and running only to find out you're still leading to him. And the thing you've got to do is to give in....

Minsan ang hirap talaga na kahit anong pilit mong lumayo at hindi ka sangayunan ng puso mo, babalik at babalik ka parin sa kung ano o sino ang itinitibok nito. Ano ba ang magagawa mo? Kaya mo bang magpatuloy sa pagiwas kung ito na mismo ang trumatraydor sayo?

TRANSFERRED FROM MY OLD ACCOUNT

WRITTEN: THURSDAY, august 8, 2013