Thursday, August 8, 2013

Ang Traydor Kong Puso

 Nandyan kana naman...

             tinutukso tukso ang aking puso...
                                    Ilang ulit nabang iniiwasan ka, di na natuto.

When it comes to you, I don't know just what to say...
don't know how to act. I simply want to run and breathe.
Yung totoo? How many times do you have to convince yourself that there is a chance for the both of you but not in this lifetime? Ilang beses mo na bang sinabi sa sarili mo na tama na, Kakalimutan mo na siya...pero likod palang niya, ALAM NA! You tried to ignore the erratic beating of your heart everytime he's around. You still couldn't be yourself ever if you try to 'cause you're too conscious. Even afraid of committing a little bit of mistake kasi bawas ganda points! How many times did you try convincing yourself that you don't love him? That this is ONLY some kind of admiration because he's just a good person (labas sa ilong!), nothing more. At humahanap kana ng anything na ikakaturn off mo. (na kahit na anong makita mo, tanggap mo!)

You kept your distance. You accepted the fact that you aren't his kind of girl. "Overqualified kasi ako." pampalubag loob mo nalang sa sarili mo dahil ang totoo minsan nanliliit kana at tinatanong kung ano bang mali sayo. Alam mong hindi ka niya gusto at umuusok ang ilong mo kapag tinuturing ka niyang parang bata. Sa kabila ng lahat ng iyon, dumating sa puntong sinabi mong "wala na akong nararamdaman para sa kanya. As in wala na." Hmmmm...wala na. Pero hindi ka pinaniniwalaan ng mga tao sa paligid mo. Bakit? Alam mong okay kana eh, dumating na ang pagkakataon na nakakausap mo na siya. You can now able to meet his gaze and do your thing without any inhibitions. Oh, that feeling! You lived your life as if you were deaf both ears, to the whispers of your heart, numb from the unknown pain. You let yourself not to be drowned for he's not willing to save you. But at the end of the day, you realized that it wasn't all easy, denying this and that...pretending like you don't care. Sometimes it's hard to act as if you don't see anything and most of the times it's hard to hide that you're really hurting inside.

*sigh*... There are times when you think of going somewhere far but is it all worth it? Ang umiwas? Ang lumayo? Is it right to give up one of your greatest dreams just to get rid of the pain you feel every time you meet him? 'Cause you know, you're going nowhere. Minsan nakakasama ng loob na nasa harap kalang niya ngunit parang wala siyang nakikita. So, to save your pride, you act as if nothing's wrong when you know there is. Trinatraydor ka na naman ng puso mo. You are trying to control your feelings but it keeps on growing. You keep on walking away when all you want to do is to embrace it. Pilit mong tinatakasan ang isang bagay na alam mong mahirap nang tanggalin sa sistema mo. Dumadating din sa puntong suko kana pero bakit hindi ang puso? You can't do anything though it's not a hopeless nor helpless case. It's just that your feet keep on running and running only to find out you're still leading to him. And the thing you've got to do is to give in....

Minsan ang hirap talaga na kahit anong pilit mong lumayo at hindi ka sangayunan ng puso mo, babalik at babalik ka parin sa kung ano o sino ang itinitibok nito. Ano ba ang magagawa mo? Kaya mo bang magpatuloy sa pagiwas kung ito na mismo ang trumatraydor sayo?


WRITTEN: THURSDAY, august 8, 2013

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Certain In Doubts

                     "CHANGE". She decided to step out of her dreamland. To expose herself more to people, to the places she had never been, to experiences she thought would take forever to happen. For years, she thought that that place would be her home for a lifetime. A place where things happened as if they were real, living a so-called "fairytale". All the crazy stuff and more.

                     She has to get out of the box and face the more certain world. That would be the world where she could be vulnerable to pain but would teach her to be tough, where she has to stumble yet she would learn how to get up. A world where faith is challenged when everything leads to emptiness. Somewhere she knew would be far away from the knight who always comes along to visit her in her dreams.

                     She is ready to give that place up to face what awaits in the world of reality. Does it mean she is ready to kiss her knight goodbye? Is it time to let her heart try to search for someone who could give back what she is willing to give or more? She decided to change paths. A way that would lead her to the woman she wanted to become yet she always keeps on looking back hoping he would walk along with her. She has to move on and go on with her journey. She tried to reach for his hand when she fell, it was just sad when she realized that he wasn't looking her way. Now someone might give a hand but, is she ready to rise again with someone who is more willing to help her out?

                     She is ready to face her fears. Yes, she is ready to conquer every possibility yet walking through the path away from her own confined world would mean giving in to life's promises and giving up to her heart's wishful desire, the only fear she is afraid of facing.


WRITTEN: thursday, may 2, 2013

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Between the Lines

In a cage of doubts and lies, she struggles to breathe the air of truth.

Keeping her heart in a silent battle where words seem to drown unheard.
Chained out of her will, locked in effortlessly in the land of wishful thinking.
Yet the beaming colors around never fade as her core deceivingly smothers the blaze.

Will she dare to reach the melody in the stillness of the dawn?...
When she was already blinded by the flashing lights of the burning sun.
Will he dare to sing the lullaby that would keep her calm in the middle of the stormy seas?...
When he is always sailing distance from the shore where treasures are kept in place.

In this cold haven of hesitations, lies a castle jeweled with longing.
Yet she struggles to breathe the air that blows peacefully in the green meadows.
An inspiring fear of blue that surrounds the mysteries of a captivating dream.
Behind the bars of suppressed thoughts, shades of red touch the unspoken.



WRITTEN: TUESDAY, march 19, 2013

Saturday, January 5, 2013

No Words to Say....

 ...from that first look I knew, I'd found heaven in your eyes

                                   ...but who was to know the way it would go...
                                                                                           -From Loving You

                 I once told myself that I'll guard this foolish heart of mine against this overwhelming feeling that you are giving me. It seems that I can easily go through it, pretending along, ignoring my heart whenever you are around, redirecting, I guess, this feeling to somebody else. But I can't play smart enough. I ended up loving you even more than before. You made me feel that feeling again when my world suddenly went at a slow pace and now you almost took my breath away. If only I can tell why you are so capable of doing that to me. What is it in you that made me feel this way?
                 Now, I am to risk this heart for I am loving you the way I know that God wants me to. I am to risk this heart for I am loving you, may it be from afar...cause I don't know how to say or should I say, I don't have all the guts to say it. I hope you notice it through my actions but I can't blame you if the feeling is not mutual. What can I do?....


WRITTEN: saturday, JANUARY 5, 2013